Gender Role Confusion and a Microwave Society
We are now seeing that over the years, we have been confusing the flow of our basic male/female nature. Some people call this basic nature our God-given instincts. When this happens, it interferes with the way love was meant to progress. The male nature has a natural inborn need to pursue, provide, and protect. Women have the inborn nature to respond: to return love, to care for and nurture the relationship.
Therefore, when a man pursues correctly, it causes a woman to want him more, often falling in love with him. Furthermore, when he pursues correctly, he becomes her hero!
She is His Prize! He is Her Hero!
Men have a natural desire for the chase, the challenge, and defeating the competition. For him, a woman he is excited about pursuing has greater value than women who come to him easily. When a woman does the pursuing, it takes away the man’s job. He becomes less motivated, not sure of what he should be doing. Things are out of order. Many men I have dated, interviewed, or interacted with have said they like a good challenge. Sometimes their face would light up just talking about it. They want to woo, romance and win a woman. They want to pursue in the hopes of winning. Thy enjoy slaying her dragons; being needed and appreciated by her.
(Men, don’t worry about being rejected. I teach women to flirt so you will know they are also interested before you start pursuing.)
When a Woman Pursues the Man, She Takes Away the Man’s Job.
He Becomes Less Motivated and Not as Sure of What He Should Be Doing.
MEN: Get excited if you are a man who would like to win the heart of a quality woman: A woman who will love and appreciate you for pursuing her and winning her love and affection.
WOMEN: Get excited if you can learn to be patient and wait for the man to pursue you, slay the dragons for you, help eliminate your problems and do things to please you.
After forty years of research and study, I believe many of the dating problems we are having stem from gender role confusion and misunderstandings. I believe you will be extremely thankful once you put these IntegrityDating Rules for Success and the IntegrityDating process into action. As men and women remain in their proper gender roles everyone will have better results and a more enjoyable experience.
Overwhelmed with Negative Comments
I keep hearing from frustrated, angry women. Most of their anger comes from their experiences with men’s lack of motivation, respect, commitment, and relationship interest (aside from sexual). In other words, many men now find sex coming to them easier, leaving no need to get to know a woman or build a committed relationship with her. That is what I hear from the-majority-of women today.
Some women have even adopted an attitude of revenge toward men, deciding to use them right back… for sex, money, or whatever. Others are giving men sex in-order-to get the romance and affection they desire: forfeiting a healthier, more loving relationship. Many defeated men and women I have spoken with over the years have given up on finding a loving relationship and have settled for Recreational dating instead. What a shame!
It is more common today for a woman to have a Boy Toy and a man to have a Trophy Wife. Some young men are seeking older women or Cougars, some have Friends-with-Benefits, and others are Hooking Up just for the sex and sexual experiences. High schools now have teenagers prostituting themselves, and middle school kids are having oral sex parties. Many singles are not looking for love but to please themselves.
As I just mentioned, selfishness usually happens when singles decide to please themselves rather than work at building a loving relationship together. In my dictionary, this is called defrauding, or using someone for personal, selfish desires. These mental attitudes will never lead to that loving committed relationship that most singles desire. True love involves a partnership and teamwork: desiring the best for your partner and them for you.
A Microwave Society
It has been said that we live in a microwave society. This is another area that has caused singles problems in dating. We think that everything we want should come quickly and without effort. However, the-majority-of good, healthy, lasting love relationships do not happen quickly. They are developed over time.
Today, singles meet, have sex, and move in together all within a few months or even weeks. They do not know much about each other. The relationship has no solid foundation to stand on and is left with nowhere to go. They try to build a foundation too fast and later realize that what they attempted wasn’t strong enough to last. This leaves one or both getting hurt in the end. Then it’s off to try again with someone else.
Lack of Effective Evaluating
Today, most singles who are Traditional dating are leaving out the important step of evaluating and qualifying the person they are dating before getting too close. Without being sure that person is the one they want to work with toward marriage, they end up down the road realizing that they are with the wrong person. They are disappointed again and go through a messy breakup or divorce. Heartache after heartbreak can be prevented by proper evaluating before getting too close too soon.
These are more reasons why I spent so many years creating a process that will eliminate nasty breakups. Following the IntegrityDating process will help singles follow their natural instincts, avoid defrauding, help evaluate effectively, and avoid rushing healthy relationship growth.
See you in the next exciting lesson where we will explore how men rate women, and how it has created a double standard.