LESSON 1: Won't I Just "Know" When a Woman is Right for Me?
Won’t I Just “Know” When a Woman is Right for Me?
Absolutely not! That is why there are so many break-ups, divorces and unhappy relationships in the world. Most men and woman don’t know how to correctly judge or evaluate a relationship.
Making Love Decisions
- Some men are led by their feelings and emotions. They are led by what makes them feel good. They mentally override the fact that what feels good isn’t always good for them. They justify in some way what they are doing so they can continue doing it… because it feels good and they don’t want those wonderful feelings to end.
- Some men make love decisions by listening to their mind, emotions and desires; ignoring their male intuition, which may be giving them a red flag. Here is where things get confusing. Even if men could have a crystal clear leading from their intuition, most of them are not that closely in tune to it. All the noise in their heads seem to override it.
- Some men are greatly influenced by family, friends and the media. We trust the media to give us good advice. We follow the media as if it has all the right answers for us. However, usually none of these will lead us in the right direction when looking for true love. Our heads are filled with what we have been told is right or what we see on television or in the movies. Society does things a certain way and we tend to follow in order to fit in and not be too different.
- Some men create a scenario in their head that is not always true in real life. In his head, he has the woman he desires already in love with him, even if she isn’t. He is so caught up with what is in his imagination that he is not in tune with what is really happening. He misinterprets things she says and does, often leading to making wrong or bad decisions. He may want her to be in love so badly that he imagines it.
- Some men misinterpret lust and infatuation to be love. Especially today, with singles having sex right away. Two people get close sexually and one or both think they are in love. Later to realize they don’t even like each other, let alone have much in common except the sex. This is not true love. It will not last long-term. It is only a short term sexual experience.
Dating has evolved and changed dramatically in the past 50 years. It has lost many aspects that are important and helpful for finding and building a successful love relationship. Because of this singles are now going down a road that is confusing and frustrating.
This is why it is important to have the lists we will create in this course. They will help to keep you focused on the right things.
Why You Should Evaluate Every Date
How many women have you dated, hooked-up with or spent time with that went nowhere? How many times have you started dating what seemed to be a really great woman only to have it end in a few days, weeks or months? Dating and breaking up, dating and breaking up, dating and breaking up, over and over and over again. Heartache and heartbreak over and over. When will it stop? Has it continued over and over like that for years? Will it be the same for years to come? How many did you hope would come back or had to take time to recover from? When you look back, do you see where you could have, and probably should have, eliminated some of them much sooner than you did?
You spent hours, weeks or months desiring a woman who you were not completely positive desired you with all her heart and soul. Your emotions went up and down, in and out and all around. You probably have been in several, if not many, relationships that started out wonderful. She was so perfect; then it went downhill. I believe any single man who has been out there in the dating scene for any length of time has his own stories of failed relationships to tell. Much of this comes from the fact that singles today usually do very little evaluating before jumping into new relationships.
Is It Love, Lust or Something Else
Singles all over the world are coupling and uncoupling over and over while looking for love. Most often when this happens they find out later that it really was something else other than love. Real true love, for both people, rarely happens quickly. So let’s look at some of the other reasons men may feel like they are in love.
- He may enjoy the attention she is showing him. He may be dating a woman who knows how to treat a man well. She may pay a lot of attention to him. He may fall for her, even if she is not the right woman for him, because she is basically a really great woman. Later he realizes he wasted a lot of time on a woman that wasn’t right for him.
- He may want so badly to be loved that he misinterprets a woman’s kindness to him as being love. If he has low-self-esteem or low self-worth this could cause him to be insecure, needy or desperate. In this case he will easily fall for just about any woman who pays attention to him.
- It may be infatuation. He may be so enamored with her that he imagines her love for him even though there is not any proof of it from her. He may build a wonderful love scenario in his mind that is not true in reality. Sadly, his bubble will eventually burst.
- It could be lust, especially if both the man and woman have a strong focus on sex. Some men and women believe that if the person they are with wants to have sex with them it means that person loves them. Not so! You know very well that many men will have sex just for the fun of having sex. They may not even like the woman they are having sex with. They very often have no intentions of staying with her.
So just because she is paying attention to you, or because you badly want to be loved, or because you are infatuated or simply want to have sex with her… don’t mistake these to mean you are in love with her or she is in love with you. True love happens over time and has very definite signs.
I’ve learned the hard way that dating today has lost several extremely important elements. This has caused many singles who wanted monogamy and commitment to end up so frustrated that they give up on finding love. Some of them decide to settle for Friends-with-Benefits, Hook-ups and Booty Calls. This moves them into a very different category.
America now has several different dating styles. Which one are you in?
Dating Scenes Available Today
This type of dating is mostly focused on fun and self-pleasure. Singles in this category are mostly interested in relationships without commitment and monogamy. This group focuses on: friends with benefits, hook-ups, one-night-stands, the three-date rule, group sex, swapping, booty calls, and the like.
This type of dating is usually not long-term or commitment-based. It is not one that works for those desiring monogamy and long-term commitment. However, it is a huge promoter of unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases), divorces and broken homes.
This is the type of dating America has been doing for over the last fifty years or so. This type of dating is mostly focused on finding love, monogamy, and long-term commitment. However, the process has gotten very confusing and frustrating as the hookup culture moved into it. Singles are no longer sure how to accomplish their goals for dating and finding love.
Some of the questions causing the confusion are; where to find quality dates, who should initiate the dates, who should pay, who should call back and when, and how should you end a first date? The questions go on and on. This type of dating is also a huge promoter of unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases), divorces and broken homes.
Traditional Dating has become extremely confusing, frustrating and dysfunctional. It no longer has healthy values or guidelines to help the couple build a successful stable relationship foundation. Traditional Dating is outdated and Recreational Dating does not help those who are seeking true love with the opposite sex.
Both of These Dating Styles Are Creating
Unstable Relationship Foundations!
So what’s a man to do? Keep reading and you will get your answer. After I wrote my first published book I realized that my book was doing what all the other books were doing, treating the symptoms! Most all the books out there on dating have ideas for dealing with today’s traditional dating problems by treating the symptoms, not dealing with the roots of the problem.
I knew the only thing that would help, and what singles really needed, was to revamp the whole dating process or create a new one. The core problem with Traditional dating is that it has lost many important principles over the years, such as; it lacks healthy values, singles are not evaluating before getting too close, and it has lost the important and helpful guidelines that used to help singles get closer and to build a successful committed, long-term relationship.
Therefore, America needed a whole new dating process, one which embraces healthy values and guidelines, one that has men and women following the same guidelines; both of them understanding how to make it work. This is exactly why I looked back to see what worked the best over past centuries. It was courtship. So I took the best, most helpful principles from the courtship process and created a new process for our present society and the future of dating. I call it IntegrityDating.
And with your help, single men and women will bring back healthy values and important guidelines by following the IntegrityDating process. This will not only help this generation but our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Don’t worry, if you want to stick with traditional dating, that’s fine. I’m just letting you know you have a choice. And this course will help you no matter which one you choose. Many of the tips and techniques I share in this course can be used even if you do not choose to follow the IntegrityDating progression.
We now have a new, more successful way to date. This process is America’s newest breakthrough in dating. IntegrityDating includes all three types of love necessary for long-term commitment and does not promote unwanted pregnancies, abortions, STD’s, divorces and broken homes. Just the opposite! It promotes true love, respect, honesty, commitment, monogamy and all the good men deserve from healthy relationships with quality women.
America’s single men are now changing the dating scene by telling women they no longer date like everyone else, they prefer IntegrityDating.
This is what I told my husband and he agreed to date me according to the IntegrityDating progression. This is also how women are now weeding out men who just want sex.
So, why am I telling you all this? Because IntegrityDating is a process where women are the prize the man has to win. As he does what is necessary to win her heart he becomes her hero. It is a win-win for both people. I encourage you to incorporate it in your life and experience how much easier it is to have success in dating.
You can find this 3-Step process, which will take you from meeting to commitment at the findinglove.academy.
And even if you don’t decide to use IntegrityDating for laying a solid foundation for a long-term relationship, this course on evaluating will do what it says it will do; teach you how to evaluate your dates in order to identify who is the perfect woman for you. Therefore, these instructions will help you evaluate effectively in order to distinguish between just another great woman and the Perfect Woman for You!
Now that you have a brief understanding of the 3 different dating styles I want to speak about some reasons there is confusion and misunderstandings when dating in the first two.
These will have an effect on finding the Perfect Woman for you.
- The Easy woman and the Keeper: Most men want to know right away if the woman he is about to start dating will be Easy to have sex with or if she is a Keeper who wants to build a relationship first and wait to have sex.
- Categorizing single women: Most men will quickly ask a new woman to have sex with them in order to know where to categorize her. Her response will let him know if she will be Easy or if she is a Keeper. If she is open to having sex soon, he may stay for the sex and possibly hope for a relationship along with the sex. If she is not, and he is looking for a Keeper, he may stay to see if she is really worth pursuing, even though he knows he will have to wait for the sex. If she is worth it, he is willing to wait.
- Enjoying the Easy woman while waiting for the Keeper: Most women, do not consciously know this evaluating and categorizing is happening. They still believe they have to give the man what he wants in order to keep him, in order for him to fall in love. They don’t know this puts them in the Easy category.
- Pursuing a woman of value, the Keeper: Many men enjoy the excitement of pursuing a woman they feel is of great value. I have interviewed hundreds of men over the years. Most of them who wanted marriage said they would not mind waiting for sex if they were pursuing the woman they felt was valuable and desirable.
- The man is the pursuer and the woman the responder. The process of finding and proving love works much better when each person is following their natural instincts. The man is instinctively the pursuer and the woman the responder. When the man pursues correctly it will be easy for the woman to respond positively. When he does, he then becomes her hero! This helps them connect and leads them closer to falling in love. The quality woman is the prize he has to win. As he pursues with kindness and respect he becomes her hero!
- When you add sex to a relationship it takes your focus off important evaluating. Adding sex stirs up hormones and more excited feelings that will keep you from properly evaluating to be sure you are with the right person. Moving from one sexual encounter to another never gives you the time necessary to develop a meaningful relationship beyond the sexual. Sorry to say, most of your future together will be doing other things.
Women are constantly complaining that men are always pushing sex on them. I tell them that men need to know where you stand on the issue of sex. If you let him know you are a Keeper and he is looking for a Keeper he will probably not push hard. He will know he has to spend some time getting to know you first. If he is in it for the sex, he will keep pushing to see if you will give in. He may see you as a challenge.
So men, if you are looking for a Keeper, ask but don’t push. Enjoy the fact that she has higher standards. Tell her you are very attracted to her and would love to have sex with her but will respect her wishes to wait. This alone will cause her to want you more and it will set you aside from the other men she is complaining about. Quality women want men who respect them.
Most men do not see the Easy woman as their Keeper. So when men ask them about sex, more women are willing to give it early, thinking if they don’t give it the man will leave. They may not consciously know that he is, for the most part, not there because he wants to love and marry her.
This is why it is strongly recommended that you evaluate first. Don’t let your sexual desires get in the way of finding and building a long-lasting love. Finding a lasting love is too important.
As you progress through these lessons, I will be teaching you how to pursue quality women by being a quality man. I will assume you are pursuing with kindness and respect. I will be assuming you are the man who is willing to wait to have sex in order to be sure you are with the right woman first. I will assume you are asking but not pushing or making your dates feel uncomfortable and pressured to have sex before they are ready.
These are some of the qualities women say are part of a quality man, a man they desire. So now that I am assuming these are qualities that you have, we can move on.