LESSON EIGHT: Open, Honest Communication
Since We Can’t Read Minds, We Keep Each Other Informed
In past courtship days, both men and women knew their roles, which made courting much easier. Today, we have the IntegrityDating guidelines and stages to help us stay informed, to grow, and progress together.
Since we are not mind-readers, we keep each other updated on what we want, need, and expect. When we meet someone new, we need to let them know from the beginning that we don’t date like everyone else. We should explain that we follow a different dating process called IntegrityDating, because it includes healthy values and guidelines. (Check out the Bonus Lesson for some great examples. You will find several ideas on how to share this with others.)
Be sure they understand that IntegrityDating is a new and America’s only step-by-step dating progression. Let them know that getting to know you will be a bit different than what they are used to. Reassure them that having guidelines will make it easier. It will also be easier to communicate individual needs, desires, and feelings.
As you progress through each stage, continue to discuss all aspects of what you are doing and where you aspire to go as each new relationship grows. This means you must keep open, honest communication between each other at all times. This is a new process for both of you. Use that open communication to make sure there are no assumptions or misunderstandings.
Also, encourage the one you are dating to get their own courses so you will not have to be constantly explaining it to them. That is my job. Your job is to read and then do what you have read. Learning and implementing a new dating progression is a job in itself.
(Please encourage your new dating partner to get their own free IntegrityDating Success System package or download and print out a copy of the courses for your dates to read and follow. This PDF download is available in the first lesson of each course.)
Women Encourage Men. They Don’t Tell Them What to Do.
Both men and women are learning a new way to date. However, it can be even more of a challenge for men because they are not used to reading or thinking much about relationship stuff. Also, the majority of men do not want women telling them what to do.
Now women, on the other hand, are the ones who will more readily read, study, discuss, and learn how to improve their relationships. Women are the ones who will more easily learn what works better in different relationship situations and work at implementing them.
Most men don’t get excited about the latest tips on love or romance. They were made to focus more on pursuing, providing and protecting. A man’s mind and focus is more on the pursuit, his job, career or business, and later on protecting his wife and kids.
So ladies, the ball is in your court to help without being bossy. This is a time to learn to talk the man’s language and to create a win-win relationship. Women can discover all this and more in the course, How to Be Irresistible to Men without Having Sex.
IntegrityDating teaches men and women to relate on a level of caring, not just trying to get what they want, to have control, or to get their point across.
When I met Jerry, all I did was tell him that I don’t date like everyone else. I prefer a different dating process called IntegrityDating. The first stage is going out a few times just to see if we can have fun together, nothing serious. This way, we can be sure we like each other before getting closer. He agreed, and not too long after, he asked for his own copy and read the rest of the course.
We Believe That Open, Honest Communication Is a Must.
This area is vital in keeping a relationship growing and progressing over time. All relationships need it for survival. If the conversation and sharing ends, the relationship will soon die or slowly progress downhill. The relationships that can keep open, honest communication will be able to work out conflicts easier. This will allow couples a much better chance of staying together and thriving. Having open, honest communication is extremely important when considering someone for a lifetime partner.
Men: It may be more difficult to open up and share your inner thoughts and feelings. In a new relationship, you may be okay talking about general topics and things that are not too personal. However, as the relationship grows, opening up becomes more important. You may only be willing to share deep personal thoughts, ideas, past experiences, and present feelings after knowing you can first trust the woman you are with.
Some women believe men are selfish, but this is not always true. Ladies, I want you to know that many men simply have strong survival instincts and want to protect themselves from harm. Men, you may have had a series of bad relationships or just one major explosion that has given you so many scars that it hurts to think about trusting another woman.
If you are truly hardcore selfish, you are not a good potential partner. However, if you are just protecting yourself from harm, you will have to let your woman know. Once she understands, she may stay and be willing to take the time to prove she can be trusted in the hopes that you will eventually open up to her.
The Relationships That Can Keep
Open, Honest Communication
Will Be Able to Work Out Conflicts Easier
Women: You may have the opposite problem. You may have to fight off the desire to tell your new friend “everything” right away. Doing so will prove to be a big mistake. Men have told me that they hate it when, on a first or second date, a woman is going on and on about her life. Save most of your deep personal stuff, family stories and details for later.
Once he knows it all, there is nothing left for his imagination. The mystery is gone, and the excitement diminishes. How can you have a mystery about you if he knows every move you make and every thought you think? This continues to be true even after you are in an exclusive relationship. There is no need to tell your guy everything you do every minute of every day. Give information to him gradually when he asks and wants to know. Remember, in the beginning, men usually want to know that you are fun and interested in them before they want to know too many details of your life.
When you do talk, be honest. You should be working on having a comfortable flow of conversation right from the beginning. If your conversation is not an easy, comfortable flow back and forth, I recommend you move on to find a partner you can converse with easily.
We Discuss and Agree When We Are Comfortable Moving to the Next Stage
In traditional dating, when a man is on page two and a woman is on page ten, it can cause many problems. Therefore, following the IntegrityDating stages will keep everyone on the same page. Occasionally, we re-evaluate and discuss where we stand as we are moving through the stages.
By re-evaluating where we are in our relationship progression, it helps keep us both from assuming, misunderstanding, and making mistakes. Many times, we have assumed a person we were spending time with was just as into us as we were into them, only to find it was totally untrue.
Occasionally discussing this will keep everyone on the same page and the right page, so talk about it, and together, agree as the relationship progresses from stage-to-stage. If one person is ready to move to the next stage, they mention it to their partner. If that partner is not comfortable or not ready yet to progress, you both remain in the same stage until the other person says they are also ready to move to the next stage.
As I said earlier, while Jerry and I were in the Romantic Dating stage, I was seeing two other men at the same time: both in the Casual Dating stage. He asked me what he had to do to become exclusive. I told him that the whole idea of IntegrityDating is for the man to woo and romance the woman. The man’s goal is to win her heart and have her desire only him. He then asked me how he could do that. I thanked him for asking and told him what I would like. He made the changes. I knew by his thoughts, words and actions that he was ALL-IN!
Several weeks later, I didn’t want to be with anyone but him. I asked him if he still wanted to be exclusive. He said he did, so I told him I was ready. I didn’t want to be with anyone else. He excitedly declared, “I won!” The look on his face was priceless.