LESSON 1: Why This Course is Important
LESSON ONE: Why This Course is So Important
We are in a new day and age. Things are different today. We have to conform and learn to adapt to a newer and better way of dating and finding love. Those who don't make this important change will continue to struggle. Those who learn these new and better options will have greater success.
No matter who you are: Single adult, parent, grandparent, teacher, media, etc. I welcome you and thank you for taking the time to educate yourself with this life-changing information.
Do you influence children? Please glean from this course and use it to help our young ones to grow up learning these important principles and guidelines. Since casual sex or hooking up (casual sex without an emotional connection or commitment) begins in middle school, and is continued through high school and college, America’s children and young adults are only learning to please themselves, not how to evaluate first, then to give and work together to make a healthy relationship work. Most go from one dysfunctional relationship to another without knowing what else to do.
They are not learning how to evaluate effectively, build a healthy, loving relationship or lay a strong foundation for a lifetime commitment. What you will learn from the IntegrityDating Success System will give you all that important information, so you can pass it down to those growing up in a hookup culture. Thank you for helping our children grow up with confidence when dating and interacting with the opposite sex. Thank you for helping make a change!
You will find all these courses are taught to those who are already adults. So it will be your job to glean what you can and pass it on to our youth and those under 18… until we can convert this information into lessons for children.
Single Adult? You are about to start an adventure. This course will teach you how to use healthy values, important guidelines, empower you with dating knowledge and lots of dating wisdom to attract and connect deeply with your perfect partner.
Let's Get Started!
Dating in America has changed dramatically over the years. Dating as we knew it in the 1990’s, is all but gone. We lost courtship. Now we have lost dating with healthy values as well. Why? Something has crept into America’s dating scene, like an invasive species, changing it forever.
What is this culprit, this villain? What is erasing dating as we knew it from the face of America? Many are calling it the Hookup Culture. I call it the Hookup Epidemic! Hooking up is now a part of two single people meeting. It is participating in sexual activities without commitment or emotional involvement. In other words, it is non-committal sex… of any type. And we find it everywhere!
Today, when two people meet, having casual sex is not only accepted but expected. Because of this, singles no longer evaluate the person they are with to see if they are with a person of good character, healthy values and same goals. They have casual sex before really knowing their new dating partner. They have fun with sex and hope the relationship has some sticking power. They no longer have dating skills or healthy relationship knowledge. Most singles continue this process over and over, year after year. Sound familiar?
Singles may still call it dating but they are focused on the sex and not on evaluating or laying a good, strong, solid foundation for marriage or long-term commitment. They don’t check to be sure they are in a good, quality, healthy relationship first. That is what dating with healthy values used to do… help you find the partner before giving your all.
However, today singles are simply enjoying the sex while hoping the relationship will become a good one and possibly turn into a long-term commitment. This-is-why most singles are either going through the heartache of breaking up over-and-over or have decided to just enjoy the sex and not get emotionally committed. These singles are caught up in the definition of insanity and are doing the same things over-and-over while hoping for a different result. Sorry to say, it won't happen that way. In order to have different results you must first make a change in what you are doing.
Today singles looking for love are running into singles who want to hookup. You may be experiencing this. Or you may not even know their intention is only to hookup… unless you ask... and then they may not be honest about their intent. Most singles assume their dating partner is also looking for love with monogamy and long-term commitment. But without asking, you will not know for sure, until someone gets hurt… very possibly you!
It is important you make a choice. The information in this course will help you choose. In this course I will explain how you can find love quicker and easier by changing the way you view the process of finding love.
My goal here is to make clear why many singles looking for love in-today’s-society are having a very difficult time finding it. I will help you avoid the pitfalls most singles are falling into. I will also give you the answer to turning your problems into huge successes.
What Has Happened
Over the years, singles followed-after different options for expressing their sexual freedom. Because of that major change in behavior, today eight-to-fourteen-year-olds are casually having oral sex and spreading sexually transmitted diseases in epidemic proportions. Casual sex or hooking-up continues through high school and college. By then these children who are now adults have established a habit pattern that does not bring them love with monogamy and long-term commitment. They have not learned the skills to attract or keep a healthy love relationship. Most of America’s young adults have no idea how to date or have a healthy relationship.
We see hookups happening in all ages, races and religious affiliations. The reduction of dating and increase of casual sexual encounters is affecting everyone in some way; our homes, children, friends, families, even into our workplaces and communities.
The Truth Is…
· America now has a tremendously high divorce rate, even among church-going couples
· Many singles have been married three to six times
· More singles no longer want to marry, or even make a commitment
· Many singles hate the thought of dating, so they settle for hooking up
· There are far too many unwanted pregnancies and abortions
· Sexually transmitted diseases are at epidemic proportions
· Teens and tweens are looking to find sex, not love
· Broken homes and single parents abound
· Singles looking for love are being frustrated by meeting and trying to date those who only want to hookup
· Our children hookup in middle school, high school and college… then find themselves without the knowledge and skills necessary to a find and build a healthy, monogamous, loving and committed relationship
· Many singles now fear they will never find a loving, committed relationship
The Progression and Our Loss
Today in America we can look back and find that we first lost the respect, integrity and healthy values courtship brought. Courtship was replaced, for a time, by what I call Traditional dating. Traditional dating for the most part has also left respect, integrity and healthy values behind and became very confusing… it still is. Even traditional dating is now fading out of the picture as singles choose to hook up instead of date. What we have left today is what I call Recreational dating. I will explain more about this as you read on.
Today’s hookup epidemic has not only taken over our high schools and colleges, but it has been infiltrating our middle schools. As a nurse for over 20 years and doing research through the health department, I learned that the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases has been spread by children, 8 - 14 years old, who are having oral sex. Does this surprise you?
This is a shock to many parents, especially church-going parents who think their young children are being taught to abstain from sex until marriage. Just because your child goes to church and private schools does not mean they will be immune to this epidemic. Even if they get good, positive instruction and direction from their parents and teachers there is no guarantee that they will not be overtaken by America’s fast spreading nemesis, the hookup epidemic! Someone will eventually approach your child or grandchild to participate in some sort of sexual act. And peer pressure is tough to ignore. What will your children or grandchildren do?
I have spoken to local police, school nurses and other school officials to learn about kids meeting behind buildings where a young girl is giving oral sex to a row of waiting boys. Also, Rainbow Parties where they meet at someone’s house to have an oral sex party; girls each wearing different colors of lipstick. When asked about this they say it’s okay, they are not really having sex because they are not going all the way!
It Doesn’t End There
The hookup epidemic has spread into all age groups, even seniors. I have spent over 40 years attending singles events and have noticed a dramatic change in the focus at these events. I attended one recently where everyone was over 40 years of age. Since I am married, men seem to open-up easily to me. They tell me everything. I heard how easy it is to hook up with women and I heard them bragging about how they go to these events to pick up a new face, sometimes several a week. They are also finding it easy to hook-up with women online.
I listen to single women; who have a very different story. Most of them are unhappy, discouraged and frustrated. They are looking and hoping to find a loving committed, long-term relationship with a man. They often say they are hooking up with men just to be held by someone occasionally, even if only for one night. Some still think they need to keep up with the competition. Other women are giving sex, so they must also. But they don’t really want to have sex with a man who has not yet made a commitment to them. They usually regret the hookup afterward because it leaves them feeling used and feeling bad about lowering their standards, which in turn, lowers their feeling of self-worth.
We can see how this hookup culture has slowly taken over all ages, races and religions. We see that there are no healthy relationship skills being built and no healthy relationship knowledge being taught anymore. We are quickly losing any good examples of loving relationships. Most children are from broken homes and many never experienced a loving home.
How and Why Did This Happen
America experienced a sexual revolution and singles wanted to try new and different options for enjoying their sexual freedom. They chose sexual fun and freedom over learning and using relationship skills to find love. This moved them away from the work involved in finding and building relationships. Because of these choices and our self-centered society, the hookup culture continues to prevail.
Singles who are looking for love are now attempting to build their houses (relationships) too fast, the wrong way, with the wrong people and for the wrong reasons. Then they leave an incomplete or broken-down structure (broken heart and home) and move on to do the same with others over and over. Most singles do not know any other way. Children are growing up watching and learning this, not knowing any other way. If this continues, we will be watching our grandchildren and great-grandchildren failing in love over and over, never being fulfilled by a loving relationship.
It’s not really anyone’s fault. Everyone over the past 50 years have been taught incorrectly or not at all when it comes to healthy and important relationship knowledge and skills. Everyone has been learning incorrectly. This means you! You didn’t do it intentionally, but all of society is and has been taught incorrectly. But don’t despair!
I’m not here to bring fear, but an answer. So please don’t get discouraged.
Be encouraged… the answer is at hand! Together we can turn this around!